Feeling distant lately. I don't know whether or not it's the pure fact that I sent my work of lit(erature) out at exam time (especially to those people involved in a grad show) or the fact that my friends have nothing of note to discuss about the story. No I won't post the story, because what little audience I have could also ready fucking ask me. The fact remains that usually after I make art or some type of shit like that, I feel lonely as fuck. It's nothing truly horrible, I mean I like making art. But lately I've beginning to notice a pattern that my friends don't know what the hell to disscuss about my artwork. I live for critiques and to have a critique kinda go...bleh I get frustrated. It's really hard to continue doing any art when it suddenly becomes more self reliant on one's happiness than actually getting feedback on whether or not you are doing shit or not.

Just that I had this whole problem all the way through the studio art classes. Every single project I felt that I was either too fucking stupid or abstract for people to even attempt to discuss it. I hated it cause there was this all this dedication towards exploring ideas, and I contributed, but in the end I felt I didn't get any return on what I invested critically. Granted I get "good", "great", "swell", "fun", (__insert some damned throwaway comment__). But what really irks the shit out of me, is that even my ARTIST friends can't discuss it with me. It could be the fact that I'm cryptic as hell before I un-veil my artwork or that people might hate me, but that's no excuse. I don't care if people don't understand me, I don't give a shit. What I do give a shit about is actually doing some form of art that I get a decent discussion out of it.

But then again it could be the fucking fact that my art isn't 'radical' or 'thought provoking' enough for anyone to 'get'. Fuck.

Well I e-mailed that story at the wrong time anyways. Everyone is busy.